Innocence Is Stolen: Bloodstained Walls Become Darker Than Red

How can you get off the paralysis of scared skin?
Did you elaborately plot your inspiration?
Is this your inspiration?!
Is it self-consciousness you get off on?! Beyond reckoning you’ve forgotten real reasoning!
Did you really forget?
About time you fucking pay!

(And you know I love you with all of me being there for you. Drop this disgrace, I’ll make your face, if I only could take your place)

I’m condemning you of your fucking life! Imbedded in your fictitious fucking mind! You will feel onset of ongoing pain
As I intrude the inside of you!
You’ll shit gutless on my knife spilling the air with the taste of…
Victory! Is the sound of heart throbbing screams!
Slowly passing the hours playing hypnotist as I lull you to fucking death!

Cliché, But Original In The Sense Of Love

Your eyes breathe in light
Your mind speaks with riddles
Finding a way to pull your intentions away from spite
When I look in your eyes I think I can see the love
That takes away spite that seems so small
So don’t be afraid to cry
‘Cause I’m standing right here!
I am only one person, one being
Lying in the darkness to hide
And you uncovered the light
And found my heart inside
If I only knew to be with you
If it perceives the heavens smile upon sorrow
Leaving life frowning upon tomorrow
But perceiving is assuming
And assuming is always fucked!
I won’t always be there…
If you ever wished it
They’d all be dead
But when it rains it pours
If I only knew to be with you
When I think I’ve had enough
I’m falling apart
When you gauge out my soul
You wear it on your sleeve
And stare right through my eyes
‘Cause I’m the one that sees right through you
I hate it when you,
Give me the rest of your broken heart
I don’t know where to start
So I’ll do what,
I do the worst with the thing,
I can do the best with you,
I will always and forever,
Fucking love you!

Innocence Is Stolen: Dead Meat

What the fuck! Who the fuck do you think you are!?
You’ve always got what you wanted
You always get what you want
Because you’ve always got it
You can hold your head high
You’ve lived your life right
Who can resist you? Who wouldn’t want you?
Look into those fucking eyes, and that perfect smile
There is nothing she can say
You’ve always had the perfect game
Wake up!
I dont’ think you understand, I don’t think…
Do you fucking understand?!
Your life is over and I’ll fucking take it!

Glory And Appreciation Is Not What You Thought It Was (Part I)

The mission was clear the message was sent. There’s a deeper meaning to why we’re here, you can taste it, it lingers in the air. Drive on drink water, 100 degree weather and muddy shit holes, then it happen, the blast the fire the ground the cover, the sweat the blood the tears down is another. They are here, you need to move quickly, they’re coming for you. From the sky, and around corners, they are here. Then it hit me, there I was standing, I could not deny it, the pain the scream the screaming the life, the lives the lost the guns the life’s lost.  It most of been scary staring in those blank eyes, a deer caught in the headlights. You need to move quickly, blank stares and shifty eyes. There’s nothing upstairs! Blood seeping from all the organs, guts everywhere! Only fast acting can save him now, you need dressing, where’s the dressing!? The shears the gloves the needle the gauze, you will be awarded a star, dive right in, it is glorious, you’re chin high in the shit, and your feet are wet. What do you do now? This is the savage of all mankind! His blood is on my hands, you need to get the fuck out of there! They are coming! You are smoked your body feels it, I’m scared to shit! There’s no denying it, the salt drips from my skin, oh, God please forgive me. 

 

 

Division Misleading Branch

Schizophrenia

Approximately 1% of teens worldwide suffers from schizophrenia, a brain disorder that affects one’s ability to think clearly, manage emotions, make decisions, and relate to others. Schizophrenia typically starts during the teenage years or early adulthood and continues throughout life. Although rare, the disease can occur earlier in childhood as well. Schizophrenia is often misdiagnosed and, as a result, many people suffer for years before receiving appropriate treatment.

Schizophrenia is not the same as “split personality.” The behavior of young people with this illness may change over time. Those affected with childhood or adolescent onset of schizophrenia tend to have evidence of neurodevelopmental delays. Schizophrenia often develops gradually in children, but symptoms may occur more suddenly in adolescents. Most children with schizophrenia may show delays in language and other functions long before other symptoms appear. In teens, the first signs of schizophrenia may appear as confusing changes in personality and behavior. Teens may begin talking about strange fears and ideas or saying things that don’t make sense. Those who used to enjoy relationships with others may become shy or withdrawn and seem to be in their own world.Symptoms of schizophrenia often include:     Hallucinations, such as hearing internal voices not heard by others, feeling as though one is being touched, or smelling things that others do not Delusions or fixed, false beliefs that others don’t find to be true, such as the belief that others are plotting to cause them harm Disorganized speech and confusing thoughts Flat affect (poor eye contact, reduced body language, empty verbal replies) Bizarre or rigid postures Decreased emotional expression Loss of motivation Social isolation Early diagnosis and medical treatment are important. Parents should ask their family physician or pediatrician to refer them to a psychiatrist that specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of schizophrenia. A combination of medication, individual therapy, family therapy and specialized programs may be useful.

Bipolar

Bipolar I Disorder, also known as manic depression, is a medical illness characterized by extreme changes in mood, energy, and behavior. Affected teens may experience cycling of mood that swings from excessive highs (mania) to profound lows (depression), usually with periods of normal mood in between. Bipolar I Disorder typically begins in adolescence or early adulthood and continues throughout life. A traumatic experience may trigger onset of the disorder in youth. Although Bipolar I Disorder strikes a significant percentage of adolescents, the illness is often untreated or misdiagnosed among teens. In fact, for this group, the average time between first symptoms and treatment is approximately 10 years. In Bipolar I Disorder, teens experience alternating episodes of intense mania and depression. As with teens with depression, teens with Bipolar I Disorder are likely to have a family history of the illness. The list below provides possible signs and symptoms. Manic symptoms Elevated mood and irritability Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity Decreased need for sleep Easily distracted Destructive outbursts Racing speech and pressure to keep talking Increased energy, motor and mental activity—hyperactivity Excessive involvement in multiple projects, especially pleasurable but risky activities Poor judgment Depressive symptoms Sad mood or crying spells Diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities Sleeping too much or inability to sleep Agitation and irritability Fatigue or decreased energy level Drop in grades and inability to think and concentrate Feelings of worthlessness or guilt Significant change in appetite, weight loss or weight gain Not all teens with Bipolar I Disorder will experience all of these symptoms. Early diagnosis and medical treatment are important. Parents should ask their family physician or pediatrician to refer them to a psychiatrist that specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of Bipolar I Disorder. A combination of medication, individual therapy, family therapy and specialized programs may be useful. Your answers indicate the possibility of bipolar disorder. We recommend you print a copy of this completed questionnaire (using the print key on your Internet toolbar) and share the results with your physician and/or a mental health professional and that you request a comprehensive evaluation for bipolar spectrum disorder.        1. Has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self and…             …you felt so good or so hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self or you were so hyper that you got into trouble? YES                        …you were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments? YES                             …you felt much more self-confident than usual? YES           …you got much less sleep than usual and found you didn’t really miss it? NO          …you were much more talkative or spoke much faster than usual? YES         …thoughts raced through your head or you couldn’t slow your mind down? YES            …you were so easily distracted by things around you that you had trouble concentrating or staying on track? YES         …you had much more energy than usual? YES        …you were much more active or did many more things than usual? NO        …you were much more social or outgoing than usual, for example, you telephoned friends in the middle of the night? NO         …you were much more interested in sex than usual? YES        …you did things that were unusual for you or that other people might have thought were excessive, foolish, or risky? YES       …spending money got you or your family into trouble? YES          2. If you checked YES to more than one of the above, have several of these ever happened during the same period of time? YES            3. How much of a problem did any of these cause you – like being unable to work; having family, money or legal troubles; getting into arguments or fights? Serious Problem Depression This is the most severe category of depression. In a major depression, more of the symptoms of depression are present, and they are usually more intense or severe. A major depression can result from a single traumatic event in your life, or may develop slowly as a consequence of numerous personal disappointments and life problems. Some people appear to develop the symptoms of a major depression without any obvious life crisis causing it. Other individuals have had less severe symptoms of depression for a long time (such as Dysthymic disorder), and a life crisis results in increased symptom intensity. Major depression can occur once, as a result of a significant psychological trauma, respond to treatment, and never occur again within your lifetime. This would be a single episode depression. Some people tend to have recurring depression, with episodes of depression followed by periods of several years without depression, followed by another episode, usually in response to another trauma. This would be a recurrent depression. In general, the treatment is similar, except that treatment usually is over a longer time period for recurrent depression.  Professional debate continues regarding whether some people develop “endogenous depression” without any identified psychological causes. An endogenous depression is a biologically caused depression, due presumably to either genetic causes or a malfunction in the brain chemistry. But, all depression involves some changes in brain chemistry, even when the cause is clearly a psychological trauma. After psychological treatment and recovery from depression, the brain chemistry returns to normal, even without medication. To date, there is no hard research evidence to support the notion of endogenous depression. Sometimes this term is used to describe people who do not respond well to treatment, and sometimes it is a rationale to prescribe medication alone, and not to offer any psychological treatment for the depression. In general, the majority of people who require antidepressant medication for their depression respond to treatment better when psychotherapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, is provided in addition to the medication.  Medication treats the symptoms of depression, and is often a vital part of the treatment program, but it is essential to treat the psychological problems that caused the depression.  Research has shown that cognitive therapy is the best treatment for depression, as compared to medication and other forms of psychotherapy. However, many people respond better to a combination of medication and cognitive therapy. It does not make sense to only prescribe medication, without offering psychotherapy as well, because of the added benefits shown in research studies. There are some people who respond positively to psychotherapy, but plateau at a mild level of depression, without complete recovery from all of the symptoms. Often, these individuals are maintained on antidepressant medication after they have completed psychological treatment. Remember, only physicians are qualified to prescribe medication. Your psychologist will refer you to your primary care physician, or to a psychiatrist, for a medication evaluation, if it appears to be indicated. It’s not unusual for young people to experience “the blues” or feel “down in the dumps” occasionally. Adolescence is always an unsettling time, with the many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes that accompany this stage of life. Unrealistic academic, social, or family expectations can create a strong sense of rejection and can lead to deep disappointment. When things go wrong at school or at home, teens often overreact. Many young people feel that life is not fair or that things “never go their way.” They feel “stressed out” and confused. To make matters worse, teens are bombarded by conflicting messages from parents, friends and society. Today’s teens see more of what life has to offer — both good and bad — on television, at school, in magazines and on the Internet. They are also forced to learn about the threat of AIDS, even if they are not sexually active or using drugs. Teens need adult guidance more than ever to understand all the emotional and physical changes they are experiencing. When teens’ moods disrupt their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, it may indicate a serious emotional or mental disorder that needs attention — adolescent depression. Parents or caregivers must take action. Dealing With Adolescent Pressures When teens feel down, there are ways they can cope with these feelings to avoid serious depression. All of these suggestions help develop a sense of acceptance and belonging that is so important to adolescents. Try to make new friends. Healthy relationships with peers are central to teens’ self-esteem and provide an important social outlet. Participate in sports, job, school activities or hobbies. Staying busy helps teens focus on positive activities rather than negative feelings or behaviors. Join organizations that offer programs for young people. Special programs geared to the needs of adolescents help develop additional interests. Ask a trusted adult for help. When problems are too much to handle alone, teens should not be afraid to ask for help. But sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, teens become depressed. Many factors can contribute to depression. Studies show that some depressed people have too much or too little of certain brain chemicals. Also, a family history of depression may increase the risk for developing depression. Other factors that can contribute to depression are difficult life events (such as death or divorce), side-effects from some medications and negative thought patterns. Recognizing Adolescent Depression Adolescent depression is increasing at an alarming rate. Recent surveys indicate that as many as one in five teens suffers from clinical depression. This is a serious problem that calls for prompt, appropriate treatment. Depression can take several forms, including bipolar disorder (formally called manic-depression), which is a condition that alternates between periods of euphoria and depression. Depression can be difficult to diagnose in teens because adults may expect teens to act moody. Also, adolescents do not always understand or express their feelings very well. They may not be aware of the symptoms of depression and may not seek help. These symptoms may indicate depression, particularly when they last for more than two weeks: Poor performance in school Withdrawal from friends and activities Sadness and hopelessness Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation Anger and rage Overreaction to criticism Feelings of being unable to satisfy ideals Poor self-esteem or guilt Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness Restlessness and agitation Changes in eating or sleeping patterns Substance abuse Problems with authority Suicidal thoughts or actions Teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. Teens also may express their depression through hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behavior. But such behaviors only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends, family, law enforcement or school officials. Treating Adolescent Depression It is extremely important that depressed teens receive prompt, professional treatment. Depression is serious and, if left untreated, can worsen to the point of becoming life-threatening. If depressed teens refuse treatment, it may be necessary for family members or other concerned adults to seek professional advice. Therapy can help teens understand why they are depressed and learn how to cope with stressful situations. Depending on the situation, treatment may consist of individual, group or family counseling. Medications that can be prescribed by a psychiatrist may be necessary to help teens feel better. Some of the most common and effective ways to treat depression in adolescents are: Psychotherapy provides teens an opportunity to explore events and feelings that are painful or troubling to them. Psychotherapy also teaches them coping skills. Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps teens change negative patterns of thinking and behaving. Interpersonal therapy focuses on how to develop healthier relationships at home and at school. Medication relieves some symptoms of depression and is often prescribed along with therapy. When depressed adolescents recognize the need for help, they have taken a major step toward recovery. However, remember that few adolescents seek help on their own. They may need encouragement from their friends and support from concerned adults to seek help and follow treatment recommendations. Facing The Danger Of Teen Suicide Sometimes teens feel so depressed that they consider ending their lives. Each year, almost 5,000 young people, ages 15 to 24, kill themselves. The rate of suicide for this age group has nearly tripled since 1960, making it the third leading cause of death in adolescents and the second leading cause of death among college-age youth. Studies show that suicide attempts among young people may be based on long-standing problems triggered by a specific event. Suicidal adolescents may view a temporary situation as a permanent condition. Feelings of anger and resentment combined with exaggerated guilt can lead to impulsive, self-destructive acts. Recognizing The Warning Signs Four out of five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warnings. Pay attention to these warning signs: Suicide threats, direct and indirect Obsession with death Poems, essays and drawings that refer to death Dramatic change in personality or appearance Irrational, bizarre behavior Overwhelming sense of guilt, shame or rejection Changed eating or sleeping patterns Severe drop in school performance Giving away belongings REMEMBER!!! These warning signs should be taken seriously. Obtain help immediately. Caring and support can save a young life. Helping Suicidal Teens Offer help and listen. Encourage depressed teens to talk about their feelings. Listen, don’t lecture. Trust your instincts. If it seems that the situation may be serious, seek prompt help. Break a confidence if necessary, in order to save a life. Pay attention to talk about suicide. Ask direct questions and don’t be afraid of frank discussions. Silence is deadly! Seek professional help. It is essential to seek expert advice from a mental health professional who has experience helping depressed teens. Also, alert key adults in the teen’s life — family, friends and teachers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Division Misleading Branch

 

Get the globe regular, take it up the nose

Seeing all the faces, shown the dark light

Sense the unsown in a striking pose

Clocks won’t tick with the fastest might

 

I’m a million miles away

Staring you in the face

Won’t you come take me away

Walking circles pace

You won’t find me

I’m a million years away

And your a thousand miles off the pace

 

The clocks keep ticking, bark’s falling down

Raining frogs drown the sorrow

This holds the key to my crown

And the beginning starts tomorrow

 

This jagged little razor, cuts through my veins

Tear in half paper and scissors, I’m a million miles away

This jagged little razor, cuts through my veins

I’m a million miles away

Get away only want you closer

You won’t find me, this saga ends with a dream

And your smell fills my taste of skin

Eating from the inside is the reason of sin

Noises seal the air, the finish is near

I’m a million miles away

Won’t you find me to find you and find me with you, finding me?

And my owners manual, stuck in the ground

This jagged little razor, cuts through my veins

I’m a million years away

And your a thousand miles off the pace!

 

We live in this sleepless chapel!

Mental is the disease

 

This sleepless chapel

We will travel

Physical ness is my abuse

This sleepless chapel

 

 

Prologue to Division Misleading Branch

So I am going to sign up for the Tokyo Marathon tonight.

I am excited, the longest race I have ever ran so far in 10 miles. I have a long training schedule in front of me until March. So the title says, “Prologue to Division Misleading Branch.” In my next post I have another poem. This is one I haven’t posted on the net before until now. I don’t remember how old this one is, but it is at least two or more years old. I think this one might be before I joined the Army but after high school. Or maybe not, I’m not sure. What I do remember is I was online and I took this test ot see if I was bipolar or not. I passed or failed (depending on what you were hoping for) needless to say the damn thing told me to speak with a physician. So that portion is the actual questions and answers to the test I took online. You’ll understand as you read on. I have always been fascinated with bipolar, depression and Schizophrenia. I think it is just cool to learn about what is going on in the human body and human brain with people who has these conditions. I think I was doing research for whatever reason as well. So that is what this poem is about. Before the actual poem I have all kind of facts from various web sites about these diseases. It is a lot so just skip most or all of it to the bottom to read the poem. Later on I will post some shit on a book I started to write about a two years ago. I have full intention of finishing it when I find the time. But for right now my life has too much going on. I started writing the book because I was working 24 hour on 24 hour off 24 hour on again shifts and it was fucking with my head. I was soo sleep deprived then, I would go days without sleep. Twice I went four days with no more than two hours of sleep. Anyways, this “book” I started to write shows a lot of characteristics from these diseases in the main character. He also might be on drugs, but that is for you to decide. I am serious the beginning of the poem is NOT the poem, but it is a whole ass load of facts about various conditions. So Just skip past most of it. I just don’t want to take it out because I feel it is a part of the poem. Well, enjoy Misleading Division Branch.

Vigilantes

No love for no fucking pig. I just want to give all away and live the way I want to. Life of a solitude man. The only motherfucker in this place that doesn’t have to give a shit about anything than himself. No love for no-fucking-body. Just give it all away. I never understood why I have to care anyways. And the decisions and choices I still decide to make. I don’t have to take this fucking world or this goddamn place. I don’t like where this world is going. And I’m scared where we’ll end. And I never fucking liked where we began. The only thing that is clear is I’m still fucking standing here. When it rains it fucking pours… a weathered man, beaten soul and a broken fucking heart. Let it fucking pour! Move these walls inside out. Crash this party and wreck these halls. I’m not keeping this in anymore. We’re taking this to the fucking city. Pilgrimage homes take this town and make it our own. It doesn’t have to start everywhere. It starts here and fucking now. This world is going fucking down. I refuse to be one that goes with it. Either I’ll go straight to hell and watch everything fall apart on top of me. Or we’ll augment this place to the way it was suppose to be. Either fucking way… I’m going down my way. When sun begins to shine and the rain begins to clear, I’ll still be fucking standing here.

Introduction to Wolfeology and Prologue to Vigilantes

I fucking hate when myspace goes down there was some shit on there I wanted to move here, it’s fucking bullshit. Anyways, I just wanted to start posting my poems and blogs and other shit to a place where more people might read it. But, even more importantly I like writing and I need to do more of it. So this is why I’m here. I hope you enjoy my shit. If you do, tell me, if you don’t, fuck you! Naw, just kidding if you don’t, tell me too. I don’t care either way. I’ll enjoy the fact that more people might read something I wrote. 

So I’m in Japan, and it’s cool. Killing the Dream from Sactown came on tour with Ruiner. That was a fun tour. If you could have been to the last show in Shinjuku, fucking awesome! The only downside (if this is really one) KTD has a new guitarist and had a fill in drummer. So they didn’t know my two favorite songs. So I didn’t get to fuck shit up to Sick of Sleeping or By Now. But the fill in drummer is from my home town the “hub” and he is chill as fuck so, it’s whatever. The Japanese hardcore scene has some cool ass bands. As We Let Go, Silence Kills the Revolution, My Love, Endzweck, FC Five, Cleave ( fucking Cleave is awesome) just to name a few. If you like this type of music check these bands out, now!

Also, I will be posting pictures and some video of the shows later on in the week when I find the time.

On a different note, I just got finishing writing a poem earlier today. I had a lot of mixed feelings lately and this poem reflected it. It is called Vigilantes. There was (and still is) a lot of shit running around inside my head. I felt really angry, rebellious and a fuck it attitude when I wrote this poem. The first line, “No love for no fucking pig” is something I took from my friend. He created this shirt that had the line, “No love for no pig”. That line means what is means. Fuck police and fuck pork (although I like pork), it was kinda a tribute to my friend, because I knew he would read it. Because of recent events and decisions I have made; because of the way I see this country (America) and this world moving; because I sometimes I wish I was just completely and utterly alone by myself, fuck everybody else; because I will always love the things and people I have around me, that support me; and mainly because change needs to happen, this poem is about living the way you want to live, creating change and not falling victim to going down with the world. Because the world is going to shit.